Stop Saying “I Lied” When You Change Your Mind

Photo by Taras Chernus on Unsplash

Person A: Hey, what did you want to do for date night tonight?

Person B: Go out to eat, maybe. Yeah, that sounds good.

(A little while later when Person A comes home from work, tired and unenthusiastic)…

Person B: Ready for our dinner? I picked out a restaurant.

Person A: Actually, I lied. I don’t think I’m up for dinner tonight. Is it OK if we just spend some chill time together instead?

Okay, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this conversation at first glance, right? I mean, it’s just a couple trying to figure out what to do for date night and then one of them changes their mind.

…Right?

Well, yeah, except for when Person A told Person B that they “lied.” But they didn’t lie. They changed their mind.

That’s the problem with a lot of communication nowadays. When people change their minds, they often preface it by saying, “Actually, I lied!” It may be meant to be some sort of comedic device, or a way to soften the blow when people cancel long-awaited plans, but that doesn’t make it OK. It’s not the truth. It’s wrong to say you lied if you only just changed your mind, and here’s why.

First of all, it’s not even really lying.